Give it 15 minutes

I woke up, put on my workout clothes and made a commitment to exercise today.  After getting Lucy to school and letting the workmen in to work on the kitchen (it looks great) I settled into sewing for a few hours.  For more on that, you will have to go over here.

I finished my project and then headed outside to get some exercise.  The first 5 minutes were horrible.  I felt like giving up but then I told myself "Just go for 15 minutes."  I stuck with it, jogging for 12 minutes then walking at a pace quick enough to keep my heart rate around 80%.  30 minutes later I was back home where I set up a mini circuit with a kettle bell and exercise ball.  Then three rounds of pushups, one arm rows and overhead kettle bell swings.  It felt great to be back into the routine.

I watched yesterday's Oprah which was about the book.  The show was interesting though I felt like they barely scratched the surface of this topic.  I haven't written much about my own relationship with food or the whole weight loss thing.  There's just so much I'm still working out but I thought that perhaps I should start writing some of it down.  Oprah said one thing that really struck me.  She said something to the effect that we are not that small girl of our past anymore and that we can't be hurt.

Like so many women, I eat when I'm upset, bored, anxious, bored, sad, bored.  I've spend years "dieting."  Weight Watchers has been my program of choice.  It works for a while and then I just get tired of the points thing and I still never resolve why I'm eating.  When I diet, food is still the center of my thoughts, I'm still obsessing over it.

So last year I had this realization that I no longer needed the food to fill the void.  The void was gone.  I am no longer that little girl in Oklahoma.  I'm a grown woman with a wonderful husband, lovely daughter and fabulous friends.  I no longer have to see my body as a burden but instead as a strong structure that gets me where I need to go everyday.  And food, it is a healthy part of my life that fuels my daily activities as well as offering me the chance to share meals with friends and family.

I am certainly not suggesting that I no longer use food at times when I'm low but I will say that it happens less and less.  I am aware of what is going into my body.  I recognize cravings as a way for my body to let me know that it needs something.  I actually crave fruit and water and vegetables.

For a long time I had this one ritual: I would go to Joann's Fabrics, pick up a box of Junior Mints and eat them while I flipped through pattern books.  Sometimes I would buy another box for the road.  I guess I was trying to escape.  Now, I still go to flip through pattern books but I don't need those little chocolate mints.  Just the thrill of designing future sewing projects is enough for me.

I don't usually go in for self-help books but Women, Food and God might just be worth reading.  It certainly seems to be in-line with what I'm experiencing in my own life.

And I don't know what the point of life is but I do know that I want to feel healthy while I'm here and enjoy those rare moments of awe.  Exercise and healthy eating is helping me get there.